WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the birds’ behavior “a disgrace,” on Thursday Donald J. Trump threatened to deport the nation’s chickens unless they act immediately to lower the price of eggs. “We are not going to be held ransom by some birds that are, quite frankly, disgusting,” he said. “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.” Trump vowed retribution against the poultry, calling the birds “far left radical Trump haters.” Noting that egg prices had skyrocketed since he took office, he remarked, “The chickens have been treating me very unfairly.” TBR Question of the Day: What other animals will Trump deport, and why? Leave your comment below:Survive the Next 4 Years: Subscribe to The Borowitz Report Today.© 2025 Andy Borowitz |